i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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