you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
