so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
