super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
