There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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