Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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