can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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