last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Say something about gay babies.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
