Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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