Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
