Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize