Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
