Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
