Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
