Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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