I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
