Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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