I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
