Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
