I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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