..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
