My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
