So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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