i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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