Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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