Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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