Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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