Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
