what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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