You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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