Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
