well you can't waste a boner
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
