Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
