you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
