Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
