thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
