so that wasnt chicken after all
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
