I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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