i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
