...so i touched it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
