its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
