Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
