When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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