You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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