We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
