never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
