So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We talked him into tasing himself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize