just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
