no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
