More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's Friday. Sex?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
