So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize