A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
