we have pet lesbian snakes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
