please come you make the beer taste better
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i think i just lost a toe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
