just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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