my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
