were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize