I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
