Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
