I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
