She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
