Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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