I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
