he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
