he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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