i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
