At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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