I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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