She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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