i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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