just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
