She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
