You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
