you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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