Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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